Parenting stretches us unlike anything else. It brings us to great heights and depths that we’ve never experienced before and it can make us laugh, cry and feel all the feelings! I’ve also learned a lot. It’s a process that we feel in our body, heart, and mind. It changes us, and it literally impacts our neural pathways too. 

We can see this in our stress response, with fight or flight, and how we respond, adapt, and flex ourselves around new understandings and growth as we open to learning new ways of being.

We know through science that the brain can change. There is hope for us yet! 

This hope comes via neuro-plasticity. That is the capacity of the nervous system that we all have, to grow and change as it responds to both intrinsic or extrinsic triggers or stimuli.

How does it do this? It does this by re-organising its structure, rearranging its functions or connections. This is a good thing because it means we don’t have to remain caught in the struggle. 

You see this in action when you practice a new response, often and with consistency, it becomes ingrained in our parenting response (or reaction), similar to forming a new habit.

Let’s not overthink it.

That which causes us to change our response can be as simple as the internal desire to change. Creating new foundations and habits facilitates this. How can we do this with our children?

Spend quality time together: Put down the screen and share a meal, a song, a warm drink together. It doesn’t have to be overly conversational, just ‘be’ available with your full presence, with open awareness.

Practice responding, overreacting: Create a short moment of pause and become an observer of your own thoughts. Let your thoughts come and go like the waves at sea. Rather than becoming emotionally fused with them, create some space during moments of emotional intensity to make room for finding calm, to re-centre, and respond in ways you’d like. 

Craft regular opportunities that give all a chance to use their strengths: Think about everyone’s strengths and create time and space that provides a sense of achievement, to feel proud, and also to share and celebrate their strengths. Remember to acknowledge what is working well, and in so doing reinforce more of that in your life.

Create a safe space to make mistakes, and to try again: When we see mistakes as opportunities, we are more likely to give things another go and our children are the same. Let’s be open about our imperfections and mistakes, for how they help us learn and grow. This builds resilience and healthy input.

Have open-ended conversations; Listen more than you speak and when you ask questions, don’t be in a hurry to block, interrupt or re-direct. When we do this we allow our systems to find new ways of engaging and relating to those around us.

Be a lifelong learner: Having an attitude of growth will help us to adapt and allow our brains to grow. Nobody has all the answers, and we don’t need to. Keep learning, reading, engaging with different knowledge, and building new skills. You’re never too young or old to learn something new!

Learn about the brain; Learn how the amygdala responds to stress, how to trigger the parasympathetic nervous system, enhance neuroplasticity and more. Learning about the brain can help us to understand not only our own behaviour as parents but also our children’s.

Meditation and harnessing our breath; Our breath is with us through our whole lives and learning to use our breath to find calm can be helpful in all sorts of situations. Meditation and well-paced, especially nose breathing, improve oxygen intake, uses neural networks that are linked with emotion, attention, and being aware of your body. This regulates and alters our stress response. No time? Start with 5 focused minutes a day and increase as you can.

Do Yoga and Mindfulness together; This can help everyone to not only get exercise but also to build in another lifelong skill. Cosmic Kids Yoga, Secret Ninja School, and Smiling Mind are some great videos and apps to get you started.

Practice daily gratitude; Build in a positive attitude and create a perspective that looks for the good in things and people. Each day, and at the dinner table, ask each other what you are thankful for. You might be nicely surprised when your child says, it’s you!

Family is the most important thing in life. Building a family, making memories, and providing love and support that is never-ending. Raising a family comes with many challenges, milestones, and exciting moments. It is a chance for you to bring in rituals that you did as a child. Or to create your own. Family rituals are an important part of family life. By adding them in you are providing your children with security, support, and a loving environment. But what makes family rituals important? Why should you have them? Let’s take a look at the importance of family rituals. And why you should start them with your family. A lot of families who have experienced restrictions and lockdowns have realised the importance of small rituals such as dinner together, games together and conversation with each other have nurtured children’s sense of wellbeing and security during uncertain times.

What are family rituals?

Rituals should not be confused with routines. Routines are tasks that you put in place to help your children on a day-to-day basis, such as brushing their teeth after dinner, bedtime routines, and eating dinner at the table. Rituals are similar to routines, however, they have an emotional and sentimental meaning behind them, rather than a practical one.

Rituals can be used at significant times of the year such as Christmas and birthdays or they can be used to signify family events such as Friday Night Game Night.

Rituals are meaningful and are a way to bring the family together for some quality time. Each family has its own rituals and you may have different ones to that of your friends. It is completely up to you and your family what you choose to have for your family.

Why are they important?

There are several reasons that family rituals are important and should have a place within your family life. Not only can they be a lot of fun, but they can actually be beneficial to everyone in your family.

One of the most important reasons to have rituals within your family is that it helps your child to have a sense of belonging. It shows them that the family is there for them. That together you are strong. And that there is a lot of fun that can be had with the family. Let each member of the family have a special part to play in the ritual also helps to show them their importance and that they fit in.

Other reasons why they are important is that they can provide structure and organisation. During the busy times of the year, such as Christmas, Easter, and Birthdays, rituals can help keep the event and excitement flowing. It brings with it excitement and suspense. Everyone is looking forward to the event and the part that they get to play in it. Even during times of lockdown and separation, family rituals can continue with online connections to our families and friends.

They also help to build and strengthen the bond between family members. They bring everyone together and the busy lives that we have are forgotten about during that time. It is definitely one of those times where quality over quantity comes into play. You may not get many chances to get everyone together throughout the year due to busy schedules. But during these family rituals, everyone is together and creating quality memories with each other.

How do I start?

Even if you don’t think you have family rituals, chances are you may already have some in place. Do you make the kids wait until everyone is up and in the same room to open presents at Christmas? This is a ritual.

Take the time to look at how you already do the milestone events through the year and you may find that you already have a few rituals in place.

If you are wanting to start or add more in, it is easy to do. Think about the time that you have together and what can make it more special. Whether it is dinner together once a month with grandparents or grown-up children. Or if it is something special you can add in at Christmas, such as a Christmas Eve box (google them, they are lots of fun), or a sit-down meal together after opening presents.

Family rituals are an important part of family life. If you do not already have some in place, now is the time to start. Think about your family dynamic and what you can add in that everyone will love.

What is your favourite family ritual?